The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
