woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize