oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
