I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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