Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize