We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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