Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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