saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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