you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
