Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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