Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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