where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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