Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
