you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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