It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
