Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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