why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
