You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
