Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
