I looked at my own cervix.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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