whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize