Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
