I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
