he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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