if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize