Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize