Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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