Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
