My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
