i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
