Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
