Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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