after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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