I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize