remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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