He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize