Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize