just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
