I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
