Say something about gay babies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
