Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
