wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
