Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize