FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
