he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
