During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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