I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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