And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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