That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
