U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
