We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
