Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
