I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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