I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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