im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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