Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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