But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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