Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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