Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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