I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im part way to drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
