So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The air was thick with penises
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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