yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
wow bdsm is so cute
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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