So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
